I'm slowly getting caught up on the Capture Your Grief Project. So lets get started.....
Day 21: Holidays
I'm sure many people do not realize how some holidays impact those that have experienced pregnancy loss. Christmas and other holidays where we are around kids is a struggle. Most family holidays are highly kid focused. I am not saying this is a problem, holidays should be all about the kids. But for those that have experienced loss it can be a rough ride, emotionally.
For me the toughest holiday is Mother's day. I love that I have a mom to celebrate on mother's day, but a little part of me breaks inside because I do not have any earthly babies so Mother's day passes me by.
Since pregnancy loss is so "taboo" many people go through holidays not remembering or acknowledging those that have experienced loss and have no "earthly children" to celebrate.
To me, the above sounds like I'm being very self centered. Please understand I DO NOT mean it to be that way. Just sharing my heart!
Day 22: Place of Care
I have no picture for today's topic, even though I meant to. I'll add one next week!
I'm going to talk about my place of care during the time we have been in Alabama. I have truly been blessed with two doctors who have been working with me over the last 14 months or so. I thought I would take today's topic and explain about why I have two doctors (very soon three) involved in my fertility and what they are doing going forward, since many of you have asked me the last couple weeks.
When we moved here I had already had three miscarriages. While I was still living in Kansas I researched and found an OB here in Alabama. My OB is one of the few in this area that will allow women to have a natural, completely un-medicated birth. This was one of the things I was looking for in an OB. As soon as I was settled here I made an appointment for a consultation. I was wanting to figure out why I had already had three losses. The Dr. was hesitant to do much testing at first since only two of my miscarriages where in my medical records, but he went ahead and did some preliminary tests to rule out a few things. I passed those tests, so he encouraged us to continue trying.
The midwife that had referred me to my OB also suggested I go visit the natural path (we only have one in the area). So I set up an appointment and I was on a plan with her very quickly. She ran tests and discovered I had a hormone imbalance and that it was what was causing my issues. So I began taking all kinds of supplements to help get them in the normal range.
During this time I ended up having a tubal pregnancy. After I recovered from the surgery I was back on track. We were excited to start trying now that we thought we had my issues figured out. Unfortunately, even with my balanced hormones I was not able to keep this last pregnancy.
My OB is now testing for MANY things and we are being referred to a fertility specialist (welcome a 3rd doctor into the mix!). My natural path Dr. has also changed up my supplements and added a few more to work on a couple of other issues that might be having an impact on my pregnancy.
My natural path has prayed with me a couple times since I started going to her. I love the fact that I can go to a Dr. that does not turn to traditional medicine and finds the root of the issue while also praying for my healing. It is a great balance and combination to have both my OB that looks at traditional medicine and my natural path that looks at alternative medicine.
I am so thankful to have two doctors that are doing everything they can to help us start a family. I often tell B that we are not allowed to move until we have a successful pregnancy because I want to deliver with my wonderful OB (B just rolls his eyes), or maybe he will move his practice to Kansas!
Day 23: Their Name/Their Photo
As I've said before, I have no photos. I also do not have names. Like I mentioned earlier, with early pregnancy loss being so "taboo" it made me feel weird wanting to name my babies. I might have felt different if I was able to hear the heartbeat or see a little "bean" on the sono, but I have not had that joy.
Instead of sharing their name or photo, I'm sharing a simple poem that says it all.
Day 24: Siblings
Tonight I'm sharing about my brother, Shawn and SIL, Mindy. Even though we don't see them often due to the miles that separate us, we stay in touch. I have shared with them each time I learn I'm pregnant and then each time I miscarry.
While I was still in KS we shed tears together when I shared the news of a loss and that continues even with miles separating us. They have been great prayer warriors for us during the last two years and I am so thankful for S&M.
I have known they grieve along side us but with this most recent loss I truly know how much they grieve. Shawn called me Monday to share the news of their third pregnancy and I could tell it was very tough for him to even tell us they were pregnant because they knew how painful it would be for us with our recent loss.
I wont lie, it is really tough to have close family and friends pregnant when all I want is to be pregnant myself with no complications and carry to full term. But I also do not want people to not want to share their news with us because they think it will make us sad or upset. No matter how much time it has been since our losses, it will always be sad until we have a family of our own.
Shawn & Mindy (and Wilder & Story), we love you guys and miss you bunches. Congrats on your pregnancy! Thanks for sharing the news, even though it might have been tough.
Is there something I have not covered yet that you have questions about or are curious to know about pregnancy loss?
Til' next time,