Saturday, October 13, 2012

Joy in Pregnancy or Not {Day 12}

Today's post will be short, as we are getting ready to head to Florida for a couple days.  We have not been on a weekend trip to the beach in months so it is time!

I created my own topic today for the Capture Your Grief Project and I'm titling it "No Joy."

I know that sounds so dark and depressing, but this is what I experience when I'm pregnant.  After my first two miscarriages I no longer have the joy and excitement that comes with pregnancy.

I always tell my family that if I can make it to the 8 week ultrasound and actually have good news I might get excited.  Unfortunately that has not happened yet because my ultrasounds always end with bad news.  The more losses I have experienced the less exciting it gets when I have a positive pregnancy test.

I hate that my losses have ruined the joy and excitement that others get to experience in pregnancy.  I will not ever experience that innocent joy after a positive pregnancy test again and that makes me angry and sad all at the same time.

Do know that I  have joys in the other areas of my life.  This post sounds like I'm depressed all the time, but I'm not.  I stay busy with many things that bring joy to my life, pregnancy is just not one of them.

Thanks again for following me on this journey.

Til' next time,

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