I created my own topic today for the Capture Your Grief Project and I'm titling it "No Joy."
I know that sounds so dark and depressing, but this is what I experience when I'm pregnant. After my first two miscarriages I no longer have the joy and excitement that comes with pregnancy.
I always tell my family that if I can make it to the 8 week ultrasound and actually have good news I might get excited. Unfortunately that has not happened yet because my ultrasounds always end with bad news. The more losses I have experienced the less exciting it gets when I have a positive pregnancy test.
I hate that my losses have ruined the joy and excitement that others get to experience in pregnancy. I will not ever experience that innocent joy after a positive pregnancy test again and that makes me angry and sad all at the same time.
Do know that I have joys in the other areas of my life. This post sounds like I'm depressed all the time, but I'm not. I stay busy with many things that bring joy to my life, pregnancy is just not one of them.
Thanks again for following me on this journey.
Til' next time,