Day 9: Special PlaceMy special place is not a physical location, rather it is with B. Everyone says that going through loss like this will either tear a marriage apart or make it stronger. Luckily over the last two years we have grown stronger as a couple rather then letting the multiple losses be something that tore us apart. Our personalities are great together and I think that has helped tremendously.
*I couldn't decide between these pictures and it is to late for me to debate about it any more,
so there are two pictures for day 9!
Day 10: Emotions/Phases of Grief
This was not the "suggested" topic for today, but I wanted to discuss it. Everyone grieves differently and moves through the stages at different times. We can not force ourselves to go to the next phase, it just happens. Understanding the stages of grief has really helped me not feel like I'm a crazy person!
Phase 1: Denial. Looking back, all of my losses have been different. Some of them I know I did not stay at this stage long and others I have.
Phase 2: Anger. I'm an expert at this stage and I seem to get here really quick! The littlest things set me off and make me angry at people and God. This most recent loss has been the first time I've been upset with the doctors. We have been working for a year trying to get my hormone levels normalized and we finally got to that point 3 months ago and received the green light to start trying. So going into this pregnancy I had a sliver of hope it might end well. Unfortunately it did not--enter anger!
Phase 3: Bargaining. During this stage I usually bargain with myself and start eating better. As I mentioned in Day 4 I eat junk food as soon as I hear the news I'm miscarrying By the time I get to Phase 3 I tell myself to stop eating the garbage food and I start cooking at home and eating healthy again.
Phase 4: Depression. I seem to experience this from the very beginning and I have my ups and downs. I have found that if I can stay busy enough I can help fight the depression. Once I give into it I battle it for longer. Depression and anger seem to be the two stages I hang out in for a longest!
Day 11: Supportive Friends/Family
Since B was the highlight of day 9, he doesn't get to be the highlight for day 11. Although he is VERY supportive and patient with me and is the highlight of everyday. Ok, I'm done being cheesy!
When I think of friends and family that have supported me through the last two years several come to mind. Please do not think you have NOT been supportive if you are not included, because everyone in my life has been amazing! Instead of one picture for today, I'm sharing three.
My first two miscarriages happened when we lived in Kansas. I had two close, wonderful friends at my job who were both very supportive. If it would have not been for these two amazing women I dont know how I would have made it through those first few days after the miscarriages. Even though I'm in Alabama now I can still depend on them to be a support. Thank you girls for everything, I cant wait to get back to KS so we can chat in person and not via skype, text and phone!
Another friend that comes to mind when I think of my support system, is my roommate from college. She lives in Colorado so even when I had my first two miscarriages in Kansas she was not able to be a support "in person", but she was wonderful long distance support. She has consistently called me throughout all of my losses to check in, listen, and pray with me. Thank you so much Di for knowing and understanding what I'm going through!
My mom has also been a great support. We have always talked on the phone every week, and she always asks how I'm doing and if I need anything. I know it has been rough for her to be so far away, as it has been for me. It is like when you are sick and no one can make you feel better except your mom. I always tell B, my mom would know how to make me feel better or at least rub my back! Thank you mom (and dad) for all your support and prayers, I dont know what I would do without you. By the way, we need to get some better pictures of us together. I dont have very many and this one is old!
Well if anyone is still reading, thanks for sticking with me for a long post! I know I promised I would have some other posts mixed in this week, but I havent had time. I did do a guest post for my SIL over at Marigold Road yesterday, so go check it out for a yummy cookie recipe.
Til' Next Time,